Waiting…is the hardest part

Hey there!

Sorry it’s been so long since I posted something…I’ve been busy trying to battle off a few stomach bugs that have been knocking me out!  It’s weird, because they’ve come out of nowhere…one day I’m totally fine, the next, I can’t get out of bed I’m feeling so bad!  I am not sure if they are something that’s just “going around” or if it’s an effect of my health issues right now, but I’ll keep on fighting them off!  The one last night was a biggie in a way I had never experienced…I had been nauseous all day and all of a sudden it felt as if hell had literally played soccer with my stomach!  I couldn’t move it hurt so bad and every breath I took made me want to vomit.  I just kept praying that it was just another stomach bug (most likely since it’s already gone) and not something more serious with my catheter!  I also keep hoping that I don’t get “the call” on those nights.  I know that sounds funny, but if they called and I was sick, they wouldn’t give me the kidney, and I’d have to wait for the next call.  It’s times like this that I’m glad I’m on medical leave.  If I had to keep calling in sick for these things, my office would be going crazy!  LOL!

On that note, I recently had a conversation with one of my best friends… I was telling him how amazed I was at dialysis patients who choose this life over a transplant.  There are lots of people who are not able to get a transplant, and for that I know I’m grateful for being able to get one.  I’ve seen how difficult it is to get approved!  However, there is also a group out there who actually PREFER to stay on dialysis rather than getting a transplant, and that just dumbfounds me.  I realize that it’s keeping me alive, and that it’s better to be on dialysis than not, but my quality of life is definitely not what it usually is while on it.  I’ve been in the hospital more times in the last year than I have been in my entire life, and I feel like I’m home sick way too often.  I try to take care of myself as best as I can and follow my doctors’ orders to the tee… so I know it’s not b/c of neglect.  To me, this is not “normal”, and not the way I would choose to live the rest of my life.  I have been counting down the days and minutes till I get that call (as you well know)!  I may not want the needles, IVs, healing time involved, bad hospital food, etc. with the surgery, but if this one surgery can make my life “normal” again, it’s absolutely worth it!  As for those who don’t, I guess it’s those differences in opinion that keep us on our toes, right?  🙂

Other than that “Deep thought by Jack Handy” moment, nothing else is going on.  I’ve been dwindling my Netflix list and trying to get better at Scramble with Friends while waiting.  Just…waiting.  🙂

****************

What I’m thankful for today:

1.  My family for taking care of me while I was going through my “hell” stomach flus… ugh… I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy!

2.  Modern movie-making.  Some of those old movies are just bad… REALLY bad.

3.  Cheese fries at Snuffers… my default feel-good food right now!  (yes, I realize I’m thankful for food a LOT.  I love food…when I can actually eat it!  LOL!)

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One response

  1. Berta, Stay strong and positive, it sounds like you had a couple of bad days there. What’s your user name for Scramble with friends? 🙂 xo, Veronica

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