Nothing changes on New Years Day… (or does it?)

2013 New Years

Blingin’ out the New Year!

I’m going to come out and say it… 2012 was a SHITTY year!!!  I can honestly say I’ve never seen a year go by with as many disappointments as this past year!  However, it takes those horrible valleys to make us truly appreciate the beautiful highlights that keep us hoping for more!  So, as we start off the year, I have been thinking about resolutions and how to make this year a rebellious, fingers-flyin’ about-face!

I think we are all aware of how many resolutions get flushed down the toilet because of over ambition, weak willpower, or sheer laziness.  I’m just as bad as the next person!  I don’t know how many times I’ve said I’d end the year with a beautiful set of long, shiny fingernails (meaning I’d have beat a lifelong habit of biting them down to non-existence), or bought a new gym membership with the hopes of being the next body cast for Victoria’s Secret (I’m not really THAT delusional… but a girl can diva-dream every now and then).  However, this year, I’m once again going to put myself out there and make more promises I hope I can keep.  The difference this time, is that I’m actually making them public!  I mean, literally, I’m publishing them and making them known not only to my pillow, but to the world, in an effort to make sure that you guys will hold me to them!

I’ve said it before, but I’ve got some ridiculously high hopes for 2013!  I really believe that this year will be a milestone year that will change my path in more than one way.  The obvious writing is on the wall when I say that things will be different, at least health-wise.  I pray that this transplant will be soon and successful and that there will not be any complications following the surgery.  I also feel that this is a time of opportunities and freedom… not only for me, but for all those who have been involved in this process and have had to make sacrifices to help me get through this circus event.  For you, I am always and forever grateful.  🙂

So, here are my resolutions… none of which are quantitative, but all equally important to me.  I’ve categorized them into three categories b/c rather than just list them, I’m actually trying to make them a bit more memorable so I don’t forget them.

Berta’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions

Physical – I will spend more time focusing on my health, not only for the obvious reasons of getting through the surgery, but for preventing further damages that can derail me in life.  This has clearly been a very eye-opening experience for me… one that has screamed to me that I’m young and I’ve got some serious changes to make if I’m going to live a long and eventful life.  I have resisted going on an insulin pump/continuous glucose monitor because yes, I’m vain and don’t want a machine tied to my hip at all times.  Nor do I want to live with a visual reminder that something is different with me.  However, after having to tie myself to a dialysis machine every night for the last 6 months, I’m kind of over it.  I’ve got to do what I HAVE to do, which is to choose life and push all those vanities aside.  I’m no longer going to put my health on the back burner  and stop acting like it’s no big deal, b/c it is a pretty big deal.

Professional – I will start getting my career back on track to where I want it to be.  I have taken a step back to take care of myself, and in doing so, have taken a side-step in my career.  It has not been a bad experience, but it has not been what I want to do, either.  Once I’m back on my feet, I plan on channeling my energy back in the direction of where I was headed.  Whether that leads me to another position here at E, someplace in another city, or on the moon, I’ll go wherever it leads me.

Personal/Emotional – I am throwing caution to the wind and am going to take more chances.  Although most people know me as someone who is carefree and on-the-go (which is mostly true), almost all of my decisions have been very calculated.  I know the risk and outcome of almost every single thing I do, leaving me with virtually no surprises.  Life is short.  It’s time to let go of some of that fear!  And though, I don’t plan on being dangerous with my choices, I can let loose a bit and enjoy them more.  Bring it on!   I also want to do a bit of “polishing”.  This whole kidney thing has really opened my eyes to who my true friends are… who’s going to stick around and who doesn’t have the time to be bothered.  Initially, it kind of burned a bit, but in the long run, those who have stuck around have turned into the most prized of all my possessions, outshining anything that brought me down to begin with.  They deserve to be cherished, and I plan on doing so by doing as much as I can to show them how much they are loved back!

So, there it is in all it’s glory.  Let’s see how interesting it is to come back to this post at the end of the year and grade how well I did.  🙂  Hopefully, I’ll be able to post not only the accomplishments, but the pics to prove it.  You’ll hold me to it!   Now, it’s your turn… what’s YOUR New Year’s resolution?  Be brave and publish it for all of us to see!

P.S.  After discussing my status on the waiting list with my transplant coordinator, I’ve decided that this will be my last week at work and will take medical leave early.  Trying to keep up a tough front is getting to be a bit exhausting and it’s wearing me out.  Knowing that the decision and “the call” can be made at ANY DAY, I think it’s best for me to take it a bit easy now.  I’ll be online checking in on emails and keeping you updated on the blog, so no worries!  


What I’m thankful for today:

1.  I finally got the clearance to workout!  Ok, so I’m only allowed to walk… but hey!  I can walk!  😀
2.  That first meal (pigging out) after having a 4-day stomach bug that won’t allow you to keep food down.  Aaaaahhh… food!!  GET IN MY BELLY!
3.  Double batches of homemade chili and heated blankets – who said winter is no fun???

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